Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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