Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Randomize
