ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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