Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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