Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Randomize
