Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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