so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
