this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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