if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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