i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
