So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
