why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My dick has a subreddit
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
