"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
