I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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