I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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