got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
