clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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