Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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