Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
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