If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
