I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
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