she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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