Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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