hotel room ftw
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
