You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
