I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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