Your tits are I can't wait for
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
