Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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