yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
