So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
When are your genitals available?
Terrible idea I love it
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
