i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
