I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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