I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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