I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
