I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
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my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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