I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
