$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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