saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
