quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
