I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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