I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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