I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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