I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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