She's JV to your varsity
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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