I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
