I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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