Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
