Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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