look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.