I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
