She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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