last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
