i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
