So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
