ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
