I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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