I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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