I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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