Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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