i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around