I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize