Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.