Swine flu. Run for my life!
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
