can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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